Talk Nerdy to Me

This is my parody of Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me,” performed during our concert at Marcon, with ASL by the lovely and talented Judi MIller. (Thanks again to ladypoetess for the recordings!)

Lyrics by Erin Bellavia and Amanda Marlowe

You know I never
I’ve never met a guy like you
You dream you’re part of Malcolm’s crew
‘Cause you like it
And you know I like it too
And oh, those tight pants–ooh
I wanna cosplay
Oh, yes I do

You know I’ve never
read Tanya Huff ‘til dawn
I’ve never been to Comicon
but I’d like to
And after watching Tron
we’ll watch some Doctor Who
and maybe Torchwood

Cause baby, we’ll be
in the filk room (alt: at the filk con)
Singin’ songs till four
Or buying Saga
at the comic book store
down to the book sale
then we’ll read some more
And baby, talk nerdy to me

You know your grammar
Your grammar truly thrills my heart
It’s obvious you’re really smart
I wanna hear you
When you say big words to me
Like “ostensibly”
I gotta hear you

Cause baby we’ll be
writin’ fanfic
about our OTP
Or chasing Gollum
you are precioussss to me*
We’ll read web comics
let’s check xkcd
And baby, talk nerdy to me

cause we’ll be
Readin’ Scalzi
Redshirts or Old Man’s War
Or buying Rat Queens**
at the comic book store
down to the book sale
then we’ll read some more
And baby, talk nerdy to me

*this line may change, but I didn’t come up with anything I liked prior to performance

**this line will probably be changed, in light of recent news about this title

Fight Like a Girl

This is a new song Rand and I have been working on…we’re trying hard to have it ready to debut in a circle at this weekend’s FilKONtario. We also plan to perform it in our concert at Marcon in May.

UPDATE: we now have video, thanks to the awesome Tom and Sue Jeffers. 😀

I can roar like a lion, though I look more like a lamb
And I know I’m so much stronger than you all think that I am
I’ll stand up for every person in the world who’s ever heard
Someone say, “You’re not a fighter, you’re just a girl”

I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight until I’ve won
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll show ’em how it’s done
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll make them all eat their words
And fight like a girl

I’ve taken down vampires, zombies, Sith lords, reavers, and spies
I’ve escaped from countless supervillains without the help of the guys
I’ve destroyed evil empires and cheated death like a pro
With my stake, my katana, my battle staves, and my bow

(Repeat chorus)

Bridge:

My name is Kamala, Natasha, Michonne
It’s Katniss, it’s Zoe, it’s Sarah, the clone
Buffy, Veronica, Bobbi, Barbara, Diana, Melinda, and Rey
Call me Leia, or Sydney, or Peggy, or Carol, or Kara or October Daye

I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight because I’m right
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight all day and night
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight the dark with the light
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll punch, kick, and bite
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight with all my might
I’ll fight like a girl
I might even decide to not fight
Nah

I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll fight until I’ve won
I’ll fight like a girl
I’ll show ’em how it’s done
I’ll fight like a girl
Til everyone in the world has heard
I’ll fight like a girl

 

Actually Ironic

Again, this isn’t entirely original…it just puts our own twist on something that was already out there. The italicized segments were spoken.

An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and died the next day…
of chronic emphysema from inhalation of the latex particles scratched off decades’ worth of lottery tickets.
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay…
poured to celebrate the successful fumigation of your recently purchased vineyard in southern France.
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late…
because the governor was too busy watching Dead Man Walking to grant clemency any earlier.
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think

It’s like rain at a dehydration victim’s funeral
It’s a free ride to your bankruptcy trial
It’s the good advice to never listen to me
Who would’ve thought…it figures

Mr. Play It Safe, he was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He’d waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Now I’ll never make it to that Fear of Flying seminar”
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think

It’s like rain flooding an umbrella factory
It’s a free ride to an overpriced car dealership
It’s the good advice from the guy who just got you fired
Who would’ve thought…it figures

A traffic jam when you’re already late…
to receive an award from the Municipal Planning Board for reducing the city’s automobile congestion 80 percent.
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break…
at the R.J. Reynolds tobacco corporate offices in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife…
to rob a soup kitchen
It’s meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife…
who happens to be the psychiatrist I recently hired in hopes of improving my luck with the opposite sex.
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…yeah, I really do think…

It’s like rain on your wedding day…to the Egyptian sun god Ra
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid…for a stolen car
It’s the good advice someone advised you not to take
Who would’ve thought…it figures

Cowboy Secret Space Detective (new verses)

Here are the two new verses we wrote for “Cowboy Secret Space Detective”:

I want to live in Washington in a big White home
and I want to be the first commander in chief with two x-chromosomes
I’ll give the West Wing some estrogen
I’ll be the first lady to have a First Gentleman
And my run won’t be derailed by an email non-event
I want to be the first female President!

I’m gonna know my value in a world of men
And Howard Stark and I will fight against Leviathan
We’ll co-found SHIELD to keep the world Hydra-free
And I know Steve will save the last dance for me
And I’ll be a super spy like Maxwell Smart, but even* smarter
I wanna be Agent Peggy Carter!

*may change this, per Randy Hoffman’s suggestions

(Storybook) Love Story

Hey, I forgot to post my most recent lyrics. No video of this one, at least not yet. 😉 We performed it at FilKONtario. Those of you coming to ConCertino will have a chance to hear it this weekend. 🙂

(Storybook) Love Story

Music: “Love Story” by Taylor Swift

I’d torment you whenever I saw you
You were my farm boy and I was in love
I saw you there, sunlight dancing on your golden hair

What could I say, you looked just like a picture
I just pointed saying, “Fetch me that pitcher”
‘Twas foolish
But you said, “As you wish”

Then you had to go, you were seeking fortunes,
But you swore you would always make it back to me
Then I was kidnapped by some pirate
Why did you have to go?
And I said…

Humperdinck took me, I thought you’d left me all alone
Now I’ll never doubt you; here they come, we’d better run
You’ll be the pirate and I’ll be the princess,
It’s a love story, baby, just say, “Yes”

So I ran out to the fire swamp with you
Tried to keep quiet ’cause we’re dead if they knew
I’ll close my eyes… avoid the rodents of unusual size

But at the other end the evil Prince was waiting
Humperdinck said, “Get away from Buttercup”

But you were everything to me,
and I was begging him, “Let him go”
So I said…

Humperdinck, take me and leave him alone
I’ll come quietly; promise you I’ll never run
You are my prince and I’ll be your princess
It’s a love story, baby, I’ll say “Yes”

Westley, please save me, I just don’t know what to do
I don’t love Humperdinck, I’m so screwed
I’m so afraid, will we make it out of this mess?
It’s a love story, baby, please say, “Yes”

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
Then I saw you in that bed, lying down
And you said…

“Buttercup, gently, I’ve been mostly dead all day
I came for you, all you had to do was wait
Help me out of bed, this jerk has got to go”
You picked up your sword and stood on your own
and said…

“To the pain, Humperdinck / You warthog-faced buffoon”
The prince dropped his sword, he won’t be getting married soon
We tied him to a chair and rode off in the sunset
That’s our love story, baby, we said Yes

More lyrics

This one is called “Cliffs of Insanity” and it’s a parody of “Green Hills of Harmony” (which is itself a parody of “Farewell to Sicily” (or “Banks of Sicily”) a Scottish song from WWII). Subject matter should be apparent. 😉 Lyrics are by me and Rand.

The lady is kidnapped and Guilder is framed
The six-fingered man haunts my subconscious brain
The rhymes of the giant drive Vizzini insane
And that word doesn’t mean what he’s thinkin’

And it’s sail, sail away from that sailboat
He may be gaining, but we’re not afraid
As we sail for the cliffs of insanity
All of the eels are shrieking

We don’t want to kill her, but it’s hard to avoid
Vizzini has told us we’ll be unemployed — >
Fezzik offers a peanut — Vizzini’s annoyed
When we get to the top, we’ll be leavin’

And it’s scale, scale, the side of the mountain
Hang on to Fezzik — the man in black gains
As we climb up the Cliffs of Insanity
All of the eels are shrieking

It’s time for a fight now, and well-matched are we
But I’m not left-handed, and neither is he
I have to admit that he’s better than me
And I’m knocked on the head when he’s leavin’

And it’s sleep, sleep, sleep off the headwound
I’ll wait for Vizzini — I will not be moved
And it’s fare ye well, ye cliffs of insanity
All of the eels are shrieking

Some fight for the glory. Some fight for the pay
But I am the Spaniard, and fighting’s my way
It’s a hard life to live, and a high price to pay
When the six-fingered man is still breathin’

Hello — My name is Inigo Montoya
You killed my father — Prepare to die
And it’s fare ye well ye Cliffs of Insanity,
All of the eels are shrieking

Breaking up is hard to do

Hey, remember when I said I was going to start that series of mix tape posts? Yeah…that was a while ago. Anyway, here’s a mix tape I made way back in January of 1997, when I was trying to get over my *real* first love. I had already made the “I’m so sad, I’m wallowing, and please oh please won’t you take me back” mix tape, which has since been destroyed. This one came a little bit later. (incidentally, I have several tapes in the breakup series. I had a really great angry one from the breakup with X, but it was purged…I may try to recreate it.) Anyway, here it is, with selected notes/lyrics.

I Will Survive–Gloria Gaynor

Needs no explanation.

The Great Wall of China–Billy Joel

From the River of Dreams album, which, yes, I did own. This was a song he wrote about getting screwed over by his former brother-in-law, but it still worked.

Why tear this heart out if it’s only been broken?

So Much for Pretending–Bryan White

I was looking forward to a happy ending
So much for pretending.

Tainted Love–Soft Cell

King of Pain–The Police

You Give Love a Bad Name–Bon Jovi

Who Needs Love Like That? –Erasure

All I Want–Toad the Wet Sprocket

And it won’t matter now
Whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we’ll never be
It won’t trouble me

Heartbreaker–Pat Benatar

I am a Rock–Simon and Garfunkel

You Learn–Alanis Morrissette

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

One More Heartache–Blackhawk

She’ll go one more time
Down that lonesome road
Till she finds that turn off
That leads back home
Then she’ll dust her dreams off
And dry her eyes
She’ll leave one more heartache behind

Come Sail Away–Styx

I’m not sure why I included this one.

Don’t Stop Believing–Journey

You’re Only Human–Billy Joel

Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night–Bon Jovi

Life’s a Dance–John Michael Montgomery

Life’s a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don’t worry ’bout what you don’t know
Life’s a dance you learn as you go

Unanswered Prayers–Garth Brooks

Be Good to Yourself–Journey

Safe in the Arms of Love–Martina McBride

This song has gotten me through many a rough time…

I want a heart to be forever mine
Want eyes to see me satisfied
Gonna hang my heartaches out to dry
Someday I’m gonna be safe in the arms of love
Safe in the arms of love

The Dance–Garth Brooks

Lyrics posted

I posted the lyrics to Greg Klyma’s wedding song for us over at the wedding blog. I never did find them…I had to email Greg and ask him to send them to me. He happily obliged.

Speaking of Greg, don’t forget…show at Broadway Joe’s this Friday w/Tom Bianchi and Ookla! 🙂 Details a few posts back.