Commentary (in italics) written by Paul Kwinn

Well my heart knows me better than I know myself
So I’m gonna let it do all the talking.

Wouldn’t talking be more of a mouth thing?

I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.

Strange bedfellows…

I felt a little fear upon my back
He said “Don’t look back, just keep on walking.

Self-defense-wise, that seems like pretty questionable advice

When the big black horse said, “Look this way”
Said, “Hey there lady, will you marry me?”

Pretty sure Loving vs Virginia did NOT apply to marrying horses, black or otherwise.

But I said no, no, no_____o, no-no-no
I said no, no, you’re not the one for me
No, no, no—–o, no-no-no
I said no, no, you’re not the one for me

And my heart hit a problem, in the early hours,
So I stopped it dead for a beat or two.

HIGHLY inadvisable. Not generally reversible.

But I cut some cord, and I shouldn’t have done it,
And it won’t forgive me after all these years

Cut some cord? What cord? A cord of wood? I don’t think the cherry tree would approve.

So I sent it to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.

OK, so now the horse and the tree have a disembodied heart for a companion.

Now it won’t come back, ’cause it’s oh so happy
And now I’ve got a hole for the world to see

That sounds, well, unsanitary at best.

And it said no, no, no_____o, no-no-no
Said no, no, you’re not the one for me
No, no, no—–o, no-no-no
Said no, no, you’re not the one for me

Said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
You’re not the one for me
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
So, so much negativity.
You’re not the one for me

Big black horse and a cherry tree
Don’t forget the heart.

I can’t quite get there ’cause my heart’s forsaken me

Big black horse and a cherry tree
I can’t quite get there cause my heart’s forsaken me

Earlier this year (last year? what is time?) I applied to (and was accepted into) Leadership Buffalo Essentials through my workplace. We’ve been on hiatus for the last little bit and had our first session in months on Zoom yesterday.

The first speakers were from the Family Justice Center. One of them was a young woman who is now an employee, was previously a volunteer, and she described in painstaking, excruciating detail the personal experience that had led her to where she is now.

As a high school student, she began dating someone who became abusive and controlling. The relationship continued into college. It ended with him stalking and then almost killing her.

I texted Jen during the break that followed, and said “this has brought up a lot of FEELINGS I was unprepared for.”

Because…that could have been me.

It was so long ago that it almost doesn’t seem real. If it weren’t for the tightness in my chest and tears creeping in at the edges of my eyes, I’d think “No, that can’t have been me. That’s a story I read. A movie I saw.”

But it did. I was 15. It was 1990.

It was before cell phones, the internet, GPS tracking.

I broke up with him (for the last time, that is) late in 1992, not quite 3 years later. I don’t remember what the fight was about. (He accused me of cheating, probably?) I do remember what he called me–it starts with a C, and ends with a “you next Tuesday.” I remember that I calmly told him I was through, hung up, and unplugged the phone. (Which, make no mistake, immediately rang when I plugged it back in in the morning.)

It was almost Christmas break, so I did see him a couple of “one last times”–trying to get closure, I guess. He freaked out when someone told him I kissed another guy at a New Year’s Eve party. I was scared. I remember calling one of my friends that I knew would be up–it was really late–in hysterics.

But then he left me alone. I don’t know why, but he left me alone, except for one phone call in my dorm a few months later. His grandmother died, and he was looking for comfort, I guess? I talked to him for a few minutes and hung up.

He did try to contact me once, years and years later. It had to have been after 2001. Someone we both knew from high school gave him my email address, and he sent me a “Hey, how’s it going?” email, and I was just like, “No, I don’t think so.” I deleted it. Ignored it. And that was that.

It was awful. And it left deep emotional scars.

And I am lucky.

It’s been a while, but this is just too much information for a Facebook post. So here goes. 🙂

I’m in a play! I’m playing Carol Wyman in Neil Simon’s Laughter on the 23rd Floor.

You can find the full cast listing, as well as show dates and ticket information, here.

Since I really love vintage fashion, hair, makeup, etc., I’ve been having a lot of fun costuming myself. (I ordinarily wouldn’t do this, but I will totally wear the things I’ve purchased in my day-to-day life!)

Here’s my pin board of fashion inspiration. (Includes some maternity dresses and patterns, because my character is pregnant in Act 2.)

I also found some interesting information about Sid Caesar and the writers for his shows…I knew that my character (as well as writer Sally Rogers from The Dick Van Dyke Show) was based on two real comedy writers from the 1950s–Lucille Kallen, and Selma Diamond. (you may know Selma Diamond from Night Court!) Carol is based more closely on Kallen, while Sally is based more closely on Diamond. That said, I took my wardrobe cues mostly from Sally.

I was very pleased to find this photo of Lucille Kallen online…while it’s a side view, it made me feel like I did reasonably well with my decision about how to style my hair.

Anyway, I’m very, very excited (and probably taking this hair and wardrobe stuff a bit too seriously, but this is FUN for me!). I think this is going to be a great production, and I’m so proud to be a part of it. If you’re local and available, please come and see it!

Cast & Crew:

Matt Boyle – Director
Claire Boyle – Assistant Director

Heather Svalina/Jennifer L. S. Weber – Co-Producers

Aaron Fisher -Lucas Brickman
Rick Manzone – Max Prince
Matt Walter – Kenny Franks
Brian Kujawa -Val Slotsky
Charles R. Weber – Brian Doyle
Cory Golabek – Milt Fields
Erin Bellavia – Carol Wyman
Mark J. Mendola -Ira Stone
Ally Catalano – Helen