in honor of Valentine’s Day, here is my favorite bit of love/mystical poetry:
Looking for Your Face
From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it
Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for
Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did
I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes
My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold
I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine
Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow
My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you
Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky
My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer
I updated my “100 things about me” list. Rand had recently suggested that I do this, and making a new blogfriend in the past week made me want to get on that right away. 😉
I’m counting this (with a link to that) as a post for this week…I didn’t have much time to do anything this week, with grades due and having to choose winners for the Dead of Winter Contest (many, many thanks to Eden, btw, for taking the lead on that one).
Someday soon I think I’m going to add some items to that list, which was originally written in 2004! Before I met Rand!
I made a couple of small tweaks to the recipe: I substituted ground flaxseed for wheat germ, added a teaspoon of cinnamon, plus a bunch of other spices (ginger, cloves, nutmeg). I also used vanilla soymilk instead of regular milk.
I made it once over the weekend, and substituted almonds for pecans (because I didn’t have any pecans). I made it again today to eat for breakfast for the rest of the week, using pecans this time. (The almonds were good, though…you could probably use any nut you like)
I am loving this blog, and there are all sorts of recipes I want to try! I’ll be sure to update you when I do…
(emily bites, the blog linked above, is one I found through Pinterest. Come, follow me! Or ask for an invite if you need one…)
If you follow me on facebook, you might have seen me recently wondering about whether or not to buy this vintage dress. I bought it, and it arrived today. It is lovely, fits well (except for maybe some minor alterations in the bodice–it’s a tiny bit loose), and I am SO excited. 😀 It does smell faintly musty, so if anyone has any good advice about how to deal with that, I’d love to hear it!
I am now totally addicted to shopping for vintage (and retro-styled) items. Check out my Pretty Dresses board on Pinterest, if you are so inclined…
I might need to learn to sew…vintage dresses aren’t easy to find in my size (was everyone teeny tiny? or did everyone just use a girdle/corset to squeeze into teeny tiny dresses? Hrm. Anyway, there are lots of vintage patterns for sale on Etsy, but I have never been good at such things. Maybe time to try again?
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So, as a part of my “trying to be all-around healthier and happier,” I’ve decided that I’m going to do better with getting some regular exercise. I was doing pretty well with walking in the summer and early fall, and then that kind of, well, went away.
I recently dusted off my gym membership (BAC…I may look for another, less expensive gym when this membership expires…), and I’ve been mostly just walking on the treadmill using my jog.fm iPhone app.
I really like this app–it analyzes your music, and plays music according to the pace of your walk or run. Here are some of my current favorite walking songs:
Bad Medicine/Keep the Faith–Bon Jovi
Bad Romance/Teeth/Lovegame–Lady Gaga
King of Spain–Moxy Fruvous
Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It–Will Smith
Under the Carlaw Bridge–Lowest of the Low
Up!–Shania Twain
Without Me–Eminem
New Sensation–INXS
Happy Girl/My Baby Loves Me–Martina McBride
Cold, Cold Heart–Midge Ure
Shine/Desperation Song–Carbon Leaf
Personal Jesus–Depeche Mode
I like songs that keep me at a decent pace and put a little bounce in my step! I’m always looking for new things to add, so if you have any suggestions, please share!
I’m having a meeting with my creative writing club at school, and I’ve asked my students to come up with some writing goals (or resolutions) for the coming year. So, since I’m asking my students to do this, I figure I should do the same!
I’m hesitant about calling them “resolutions,” so I’m going to call mine a loose collection of goals that I resolve to feel no guilt or pressure about. 😉
1. Post something in my blog once a week.
2. Start journaling regularly again.
3. Find more time for reading (for fun).
4. Prepare something (probably a short story) for submission somewhere.
5. Do something during NaNoWriMo this year, even if it’s a smaller goal than a complete novel.
By posting this here, I’m making good on #1 already!
This is not really writing-related, but I’d also like to find more time to work on calligraphy projects…sadly, I have to get caught up on that pile of grading first!!
What goals are you setting for yourself, writing or otherwise?
I have a number of random things to throw out there, so this post will be in numbered list form.
1. An awesome time was had by all at the Lowest of the Low New Year’s Eve show at Town Ballroom. See Jen’s post. Many thanks to Jen and Chuck for dragging us out! If you haven’t already seen it on Facebook, lookit this cute pic:
Awww…
During the show, I tweeted that “Salesmen Cheats and Liars” just wasn’t the same without Lawrence, and he responded by calling me a “doll.” Teehee.
Most awesome exchange between Jen and me during this concert, while the band is playing the song “Winter Sleepers” from Sordid Fiction:
Jen: I don’t like this song.
Me: (shrug) It reminds me of…
Jen: X (code for my ex-bf)! I KNOW! I read something on the Internet today that reminded me of him…Oh, I know…it was a Yahoo article about how not to break up with someone.
Me: *laughs for 10 minutes*
2. I am back to school. I have a ginormous pile of grading to do that I did not do over break that I am procrastinating doing by writing this blog post.
3. I went to the GYM today.
4. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t spend a lot of time here these days. Here’s a list of other places, complete with links, I can be found online:
Please feel free to follow/friend/whatever me in those places… 🙂
5. I tend to not make resolutions as such, but I’ve been making an effort to be a healthier/happier/less stressed me, and plan to step that up in the coming year. There may be more on this later, unless I get too busy, which is highly likely.
6. I read 47 books in 2011, which is just short of my usual 50 or so…I started reading a 48th, but am not yet finished with it. I was feeling some mild guilt about this, but then I said, “Wait a minute…this is silly.” So I’ve decided that my only reading “goal” for 2012 is to enjoy as many books as I can and not allow myself to feel one second of stress over something I do for fun. See #5.
7. I think I posted here something like…8 times in 2011? While there’s a part of me that would like to post more, well, see #5 and #6.
8. On that note, I should find something productive to do…happy 2012!
For a good week or so now, I’ve been struggling to put my feelings about the Penn State scandal into words, wondering if I should even try. I’ve been struggling with the feelings themselves, wondering why it’s hit me so hard.
I didn’t go to Penn State. I don’t live there. I did grow up in Western PA, though, a little over an hour from Happy Valley, in a part of the state that bleeds blue and white. The aunt I idolized is a Penn State grad, as is my grandpa. I thought I’d go there too, until I realized how huge it was and opted for a much, much smaller private school. Several of my cousins went there, as well as countless classmates, and some of my good friends still live there. Penn State is a part of my identity.
When I talked to Rand about this, he said he thought he understood. He said it was kind of like what it felt like being a Bills fan when OJ Simpson was charged with murder. “It’s like they took a piece of your childhood away,” he said.
Yeah, it is kind of like that.
I am a little bit heartbroken.
Something that I think people have failed to notice during all of the uproar, all of the anger, all of the reaction from the media and the Internet, is that people are grieving. Students. Alumni. Citizens. Me.
There doesn’t necessarily have to be a death for people to grieve.
It is unfortunate that some people behaved badly. Some of the things students and fans have said that have been quoted are embarrassing. I imagine some of those people will be embarrassed themselves, after they’ve had time to think, after they’ve been confronted with their words in black and white for all eternity. It’s a shame that those people are all most of the world will see…because most of the Penn Staters I know (and hell, even the ones I don’t) are good people who want to see justice done, to see those who had a hand in this punished, even as it means losing faith in people they believed in. (Oh, Joe Pa…even thinking about it makes me so incredibly sad…)
As I’ve watched events unfold, I have been sad and angry on behalf of my Penn State friends and family when I’ve seen people online mocking the average intelligence of PSU students based on the thoughtless words and actions of a small (but admittedly VERY LOUD) minority. It shouldn’t surprise me…after all, this is what we do, time and time again. I think I will remember this every time I catch myself judging a group based on what a couple of loudmouths with signs are saying.
A little while ago, my friend Jennifer posted a link to this video on Facebook, and that video was the thing that pushed me over the edge to finally write this down. Two of the images stuck with me…both of them what I assume to be students holding signs. One read,
WE ARE….#heartbroken
the other,
WE ARE…going to make this right.
My prayers are with everyone affected by this tragedy. First and foremost, of course, with the victims and their families—they should be the main focus here—but also, with everyone else out there whose heart is a little bit broken because of it.
