Overwhelmed

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(Just a little! Kind of scary thinking about all the things I have to think about in the next little bit…)

And so here’s a discussion topic. To my married readers…tell me about your wedding. What did you do? Where? Big and lavish? Small and intimate? Share as much or as little as you’d like. 🙂

11 thoughts on “Overwhelmed”

  2. as a person who is both married and has attended a variety of awesome and just regular weddings of others, my advice is, in no particular priority:

    -feed as many people as you can
    -pay for as much booze as you can
    -don’t hire a dj, just put a mix together on an ipod or a laptop that has iTunes
    -get a couple photographers, as one can’t be in the right place every single second, and pay them by the quantity of photos taken
    -do some kind of table decoration that is unique and personal, but avoid the ridiculous
    -who cares how the shoes look, wear something comfy
    -marry Rand (admittedly not the advice I give everyone)
    -don’t worry about bossy relatives who think they know best. throw them a bone, but do it your way.
    -dance, which will encourage your guests to dance

  3. Ours wasn’t all that big. We had it in a church in Olean, and then the reception at a community hall in some little tiny town way up in the hills between Olean and Salamanca…but it was a great time, anyhow.

    My next wedding will take place in a wooded grove lit by torches. Or in a hot-air balloon.

  4. I was married outside, outdoors, at a public park. It was October 1st and warm, but not hot, and not raining. (Oregon. Coulda rained.) We had a JP come and marry us and he still did relgious things, which we told him not to. We has one best man, one bridesmaid and a wad of friends of family. We did a potluck barbeque. We did, seriously. (We were very poor.)

    I had a friend who was married very close to Halloween. They had a fancy wedding complete with costume contest. (Oh yes, they did.) They had a reception as well, food worthy but not as fun as my bbq.

    I’m one of the odd people. 🙂

  5. From a non-married reader/good friend who is scared that you haven’t even been engaged for a week and don’t want to see you turn into crazy wedding girl (think of people we know…hint, hint….all wedding all the time is a very, very very scary state of mind.) CALM DOWN. You titled this post OVERWHELMING. Go back to happy, happy, happy and all will work itself out…why overwhelming?

    If you don’t even have a date yet…all you have is time.

    And really, love is all you need. (I dare you not to sing that line!)

    *Hugs*

  6. I’m also rooting for (whatever you decide, of course) but thinking a destination might be very fun…and think of all the *little* parties you will have too! (You could totally buy 5 different $99 dresses and get away with it!)

  8. Oh heavens. I could go on too long!

    Um. One of the main things was, I chose the place I wanted most. The place mattered more to me than the date. I wanted to get married overlooking the city we both love, and we chose a hotel with a pretty place and a pretty view. I also wanted lots of sunlight– no windowless basements or dark church rooms.

    Since we didn’t care about the date, I got a good deal on the hotel, because I was able to go with whatever they had available, and got a discount for being on a Sunday instead of a Saturday. (They even included the penthouse overnight in my block price.)

    I guess my point is: decide what’s important to you and what you can be flexible on. Then when you know what’s important to you– stick to it. My parents tried very hard to get me to do this or that location (for some reason they had boats firmly in mind). The secret is… you don’t have to fight about it. It’s YOUR wedding. Unless someone else is paying substantial sums for it– and really, often, even if they *are*– you don’t have to do what they want. But you also don’t have to fight– you don’t have to convince them. Just say “how very interesting” and then go ahead and book or rent or buy whatever the thing is that your heart truly wants. It keeps your blood pressure and stress level down not to argue with them. I decided early on that I would be a very quiet and calm little steamroller. 🙂

    (And conversely, when you know what you don’t really care that much about and can be flexible on, you can let those parts go, or even delegate them. I didn’t much care about the date, so I got that good deal. I didn’t care at all what my bridesmaids wore except the color; I told them ‘get something purple that you like and think is pretty’ and they all wore different dresses. I didn’t care too much about the rehearsal luncheon so I let my mother-in-law plan that whole thing. I had a few general opinions about the invitations, and then I let my stepmother take the idea and run with it and make them all herself. People love to help– decide what you feel you can let go enough to delegate.)

    That ‘you’ is plural, by the way. Fishy didn’t have much in mind, but he had a few things. Sometimes it only amounted to ‘do you hate this?’ ‘no’. Some things he didn’t care at all about, like the place; some things he did care about, like his clothes. 🙂 Decide between you what you and Rand both want, and what you don’t care about and can let go of early on.

    That’s my best advice. I have lots more. (Including: everyone will have lots of advice.) 🙂 I will go on at great and boring length in email if you really want to know other details of planning and things. 🙂

  9. Niels and I did the small wedding (less than 50 people) and loved it, it allowed for us to talk to everyone and everyone else to talk with each other.

    Remember it’s YOUR day, if you want people there invite ’em, if you don’t don’t invite ’em. I don’t know about you, but my family is HUGE, Niels’ is small and there was no way all the extended family could be invited. People may be annoyed but it’s something you can’t worry about.

    Wear comfortable shoes. Make sure the dress you pick is something you won’t mind being in for 10 hours because no matter the temperature out you’re gonna get warm.

    If you’ve friends who are photographers, videographers ask if they can do their craft as their wedding gift to you. We didn’t have a lot of money for ours and if it weren’t for friends we wouldn’t have had either of those things.

    Make sure those in your wedding party are up to the responibilities it entails, and if they’ve never been in a wedding before let them know what they need to do, so when they don’t do XY or Z there aren’t hard feelings.

    Delegate, you can’t do everything yourself.

    Don’t get a DJ, do a playlist on your iPod or mp3 player.

    Make your own bouquets. You’d be surprised how much money you’ll save by just ordering the flowers and putting them together yourself.

    Have the day be what you & Rand want, not what other people want.

    There will be stress, lots of it, but on the day of the wedding if something goes wrong, no one’s going to notice.

    Congrats again!!

  10. Ok…you know how Mike and I got married. We rented a B&B for the weekend, had a very small (well, as small as we could given the size of our families…thank goodness none of Mike’s siblings are married!) ceremony followed by the big picnic a few weeks later. I still comment to Mike that we definitely did it right. Coming from the girl who had compiled a wedding folder for years and had visions of a grand event, that is pretty impressive. I think we ended up spending about as much as most people do on a wedding, but that includes the weekend at the B&B for our parents, my sister, Mikes brother & Mike’s sister, the rings, the honeymoon, and the picnic. We cut corners in some places (ordered flowers wholesale off the internet, music for the ceremony was on our laptop, rehersal dinner was pizza…) and didn’t worry so much in other places (the ring…I waited a good long time…I was getting the ring I wanted…ditto for the dress.) Here are the reasons I liked our small ceremony/big party:

    1. Because the ceremony was local our parents and siblings could come with no problem (well, except finding a babysitter!)

    2. I wasn’t nervous at all because I figured even if I fell flat on my face, it was just my parents and siblings.

    3. Our parents had it stress-free…it was kinda like a mini-wacation for them.

    4. Mike and I got to spend all day with each other and the people closest to us. Not that we don’t love our friends and extended family dearly, but we didn’t need to worry about running around trying to talk to everyone on “our day”. We ended up doing that at the picninc and really didn’t even see each other (actually, I think you have the only photo of us together that day…I really should get a copy!) or our immediate family.

    5. The night of our wedding we were sitting on the porch of Reynolds Mansion, sipping wine, chatting with our parents. Nice.

    Now, I do wish I would’ve done something more special for the picnic (had my hair done up again…got a cute white dress…), but overall it was great! Oh, I would also have put some more time between us returning from the honeymoon and the picnic…we only had like 3 days, so it was a little crazy!

  11. Hi, Erin —

    Congratulations!

    A few things:
    1. We heard that BOCES could allow a class to do our flowers as a class project. They said yes and it was a great experience. The students were very proud that we asked and they enjoyed “interviewing” us to find out what we wanted. The cost to us was the cost of the flowers only. The best part was that the flowers were GORGEOUS. My bouquet and the bridesmaids’ bouquets were perfect.
    2. Your first dance should be a song that YOU want. We used “Let’s Get Married” by the Proclaimers. Everyone thought we were nuts/weird and kept telling us to use a traditional song but we did it our way and it was awesome. I still cry (and think of our dance) every time I hear the song.
    3. Be really specific with your DJ. If there are certain songs that you want, provide a list ahead of time so he/she can get them, if necessary. It sounds like a small thing but it’s your day so you guys should enjoy it!

    Enjoy the planning but don’t let it run your life.

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