Why I hate Maxim, reason #27

(thanks, Mac)

Because they print inane crapfests like this:


100 things you need to know about women

Ladies, check out the list and let me know what you think. Guys, how many of you actually believe this crap?

Look, it’s not like I’m defending women’s mags. Cosmo and Glamour are equally full of shit.

Some favorites:

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

I am fully aware that there are women like this out there. I’m not one. I’m not friends with any of them, and I have no idea why you would want to date one.

88. �If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.��Claire, 27

“Claire” is full of crap. If I like you, I’ll go out with you. Period.

62. A British study claims a woman�s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

I guess I can’t really blame the good people at Maxim for this one, but feh. Whatever.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman�s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

Do I even have to say it?

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

Again, feh.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

Oh, for crying out loud…if you need to trick someone into having more sex with you, you’ve got bigger problems.

1. You’ll probably never know how many guys she’s slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.

Again, maybe true for some people, I’ve never felt the need to lie about this.

I’m dying to hear responses on this one…

14 thoughts on “Why I hate Maxim, reason #27

  1. I don’t know but 30 of them sounded plausible based on my experiences. For whatever that is worth. Of course, the other 70 came from some writer’s booze influenced imagination.

  2. Some of the things, if assumed to be true, are equally applicable to guys. For instance, “Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something.” Well, so do guys: my car is broke, I have this bad twisted ankle from flag football, or any other problem. Also, the single friend thing works with guys too. Guys get jealous when their bestfriend’s attention is taken away.

    Some seem to be true: like the leg shaving, not attracted if you can’t perform, socks and underwear does look silly, and the fighting bridesmaids in half the weddings.

    A few make me think, who cares? See this, “Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.” Eh, so what?

    And then there are many that seem like gross generalizations if not completely wrong. “The more piercings she has, the more places she�ll let you put it.” I’ve never known this to be true, “Don’t take a woman to a concert you really want to see�she’ll just want to leave early.”

    Finally, Sarah McLachlan is in no way rock.

  3. For one, if men prefer long hair, then why is Rand with Erin? Rand is a man, and Erin does not have long hair. There goes that theory!

    Also:

    “26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.”

    Sez who?? Ew.

  4. Men. Not man. Last time I checked, Rand is singular. Unless he is into some kind of cloning project…

    As I said to Erin earlier I think that it is one of those 9/10 men agree type deals.

    No different then 9/10 men prefer a size 6 woman over a size 16. However, somehow I have a man who likes me.

    Generalizations are true to an extent…I think the point of this post is, God forbid, even the chezzy terrible huh? ones to women like *us* are generalizations to at least the readers/writers of the Maxim variety. Sad as that may be to the rest of us.

  5. I think it’s a joke. I got as far as “The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married” and quit reading.

  6. Well, given that most men are not reading Maxim for the articles… You’re fairly safe… And the ones who do? I don’ think you would want to be in any sort of relationship with them anyway. 🙂

  7. Maybe I’m reading a bit too much into it, but it seems as though magazines for both men and women are “groomin” people to be less intelligent and more superficial. Why? If you feel bad about yourself because you’re “too fat” “not pretty” or can’t attract a mate, you’ll be more likely to buy a magazine telling you how to be prettier, skinnier, more attractive to the opposite sex, and so on. A few months ago I saw an article in Cosmo which rated the “disgusting factor” of things women don’t do such as not shaving legs, having bad breath, and having “out of control” pubic hair. So Suzy-Cosmo-Reader browses through this article and thinks “dear me! What can I do so that I don’t disgust my man anymore?” The answer that Cosmo hopes for is that darling Suzy will read their mag because, low and behold, they have all sorts of fascinating tips on how to be more attractive and less disgusting! Even the language they use in their articles and quizzes is a type of grooming, subliminally urgin readers to lose weight, put on makeup, get some highlights, and for gods sake tame that unruly pubic hair! Conveniently they have tips for doing all of those things! I’m sure Maxim is quite the same as Cosmo, though I’ve never read it but hey…they’re owned by the same company.

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