How do I hate thee, job?

Let me count the ways….

I’m not talking about my not-ready-for-full-time newspaper job. I’m talking about my piddly, hardly-worth-my-time tutoring job.

I put in my notice last week. I’ll be starting the teaching gig, and really, really don’t have time for it.

And besides…it’s awful.

When I first started, I was being scheduled between 8 and 12 hours a week, sometimes more. This ws overwhelming at times, but the money was…decent. As summer came, the hours started to creep backwards. This week, I have 7. And that’s high.

But it’s a darn good thing I only have 7, because I despise being there. I loathe it.

Some backstory…there are three distinct areas of instruction. Verbal (or “floor”), math, and one-on-one. When I first trained, I was only trained to be a floor teacher. This suited me just fine. I worked with older students (generally grade 5 and up) and didn’t have to go anywhere near math. I worked with anywhere from 2 to 4 students at a time, and it was good. I can’t say I *loved* it or anything, but it really wasn’t a bad job at all.

But then they started cutting hours.

And then they wanted to train me to do one-on-one instruction.

I said fine, maybe it would get me more hours. What I didn’t expect was that they would switch me to doing ONLY one-on-one. This means I’m working with younger kids, for starters. (There is a very good reason that my certification is in secondary ed. 6-year-olds and I do NOT get along well in an instructional setting. It makes me want to tear my hair out. I’m not good at it. I don’t know how to be effective teaching young children. And I’m not.)

And then there’s the hours. They would schedule me for shifts, and then cancel them. Send me home early. Ask me to stay later.

But this, this was the kicker…

In order to be a good little employee and help out, I rearranged my schedule so I could be available to take shifts on Wednesday mornings. I said, very specifically, that my availability was from 9 until NOON. Noon. Period. I have to get to my other job by 12:30 so that I can still get 4 hours in. I thought this was a more-than-generous gesture on my part.

Last week, there was a message left for me at home.

“We were just wondering if you’d be able to stay until 1 on Wednesday. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll just assume this is all right.

Um, you people know what happens when you assume, right?

So I called back to say that it was not, in fact, all right.

And THEN, this week, they actually scheduled me until 12:30. Again, I called and explained that I cannot stay until 12:30. Because my availability is only until NOON. Seriously. How hard is that to understand?

One more week. One more week. One more week…

And the kicker? I’ll make nearly twice as much money teaching ONE course at the community college. Two days a week (plus prep time, of course).

The great birthday recap…

Festivities actually began (unofficially) Friday night with a lovely date. (That’s date #6, for anyone keeping track…) I know, I’m being a bit tight-lipped about this whole business, but all in good time… 😉 We went out for dinner at a cozy little Italian place. Good food, even better dessert (Tiramisu. mmmm….). He got me some incredibly thoughtful birthday gifts, which was a big surprise to me…I certainly didn’t expect anything!

I arrived home to a big surprise…my friend Shannon and her boyfriend Craig from Boston had come into town late Friday to spend the weekend! I had no idea they were coming.

We got ready and headed out to Erie, where we met up with my friends Jen and Tim from Cleveland for lunch at Max & Erma’s. (I know a lot of Jennifers and a lot of Stephanies. it gets confusing…). We had a nice visit, and they had the waitstaff bring cake and sing to me. After lunch, I met up with Eden and baby Zoe for a too-brief but very nice visit at Borders.

Came back to the apartment, which my friend Susan and her boyfriend Todd had decorated while we were out. My friend Caren was waiting there to meet us (also a surprise. I had no idea she was coming…). We all visited and chatted and had a few drinks (Jen created the 30-tini…a concoction of raspberry vodka, Sprite, fruit juice and raspberry schnapps) and several jello shots before heading to South Buffalo for the Jackdaw show.

Our dear friends Stephanie and a couple of HER friends met us there. I saw some of the people I know from the Jackdaw shows…one of them bought me a shot. A number of them expressed great surprise at my age, which is always fun. 😉 I got a happy birthday wish from the band, and I danced up a storm! Heard lots of the new music, which (as I suspected) was even better live! OH! and a big thank-you needs to go out to the band for playing “Sorry Again.” Mmmm…happy birthday to me!

On Saturday, we went out to Caren’s house…she and her husband Chris hosted a little brunch for me, where my parents were waiting to surprise me! That was nice. Our friends Rachel and Brian came out too. Tim and Dayna weren’t able to make it, but they sent yummy potatoes (Dayna…recipe??) and fun gifts. My friends pooled resources to by me a whole bunch of used books, helping to build the future-English-teacher library! I also got some great gifts from my family, including a bunch of “inner child” type gifts…crayons, a slinky, play-doh, pez. That was fun. 🙂 Oh, and I did get a couple of chances to win the trip to Ireland. *fingers crossed*

I know I’ve said this a lot, but thank you all so much. I feel so loved!

A big, giant thank you

Yes, the hangover has lifted…and now I must offer my thanks to all who helped make the birthday weekend a rousing success.

First and foremost, to Jen for making it all happen. I love you!

To all of my friends who traveled to share the weekend with me, and to all those who were here in spirit. (Jen did a wonderful job of the individual shout-outs here.) Thank you all!!

To my mom and dad, for making the trip up and surprising me.

I have an amazing family and the best friends a girl could ask for. I also have the promise of really, really good things on the horizon…I guess I’m a pretty lucky gal.

Oh, and to Jeff, from the Jackdaw show who told me I was “the hottest 30-year-old ever.” Thanks for making my night. I wish I could bottle that shot of self-esteem and bring it out when I need it! 😉 And thanks to the boys, of course, for a rockin’ show. I danced my little heart out…and we even converted a few new fans!

Oh, and got to spend a little time with Eden and Baby Z on Saturday! Thanks for coming out. 🙂

Individual, personal thank yous will be on their way soon…but for now, thank you all for making this a special birthday indeed.

I guess 30’s not so bad… 😉

We’re all carried along by the river of dreams…

So I got another email from the ex yesterday. You know…the college boyfriend. The one who’s now married and born-again.

It is good to know that he’s doing okay. I’ve satisfied any curiosity I had. (I thought there was a remote possibility he could be gay. Apparently not. Or maybe just in deep denial…who knows…but not my problem.) But I don’t want it to become a “thing.” Especially a “thing” that would bother his wife.

Here’s one little tidbit from the message:

Anyway….I’m really glad to know that you’re not as you said harboring any bad feelings. I still feel bad about how things ended up and I wish things had turned out differently…at least I wish I had handled things differently if nothing else. I guess one of my problems has always been handling confrontations appropriately. I don’t know…I am glad that we can talk a little now at least. You’re a great person and you should be happy. Be pickey…you can afford to be…find a good guy before you settle down with him….

Er. Yeah. Let me just share with you all that he could not have possibly handled the situation more badly.

It’s been so long, and I’ve changed so much. I read his email now, and it’s like a stranger wrote it. I really have no idea who he is anymore. And that, I suppose, is how it should be.

But all in all, it just reinforces what I’ve known for quite some time now…that we were not meant to be together, that I would not have been happy with him in the long run, and that he is not what I need.

(what do I need? well, that’s another conversation entirely…)

But what we had was good once. It was exactly what I needed at the time, and it’s nice to remember that with a smile.

A good date

I think it can be considered a good date when you come home with the smell of him still lingering on your clothes.

And you smile…

🙂

Nightmare day

Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I procrastinate. Always.

I arrive at work this morning with about 3 stories on my plate that I need to complete by tomorrow.

I learn that the Pope has named a new bishop for the diocese. This completely screws with my day.

Gaaaaaaaaaaah.

Things I need to do:

1. Finish stories I’ve been working on.
2. Do new bishop-related stories I’ve been assigned.
3. Find someplace to replace my tire and do a rear-wheel alignment.

This means that I should do more working and less blogging…

This one’s for the girls

I spent Saturday hanging out with my high school friends, which was very good…I haven’t seen them all in one place since Sonya got married last summer. (interesting side note…at that time, one of them said “Erin, you have to do this next year so we can all get together again.” um. yeah.) So Jennifer had a party at her house, and we all gathered…

We had a nice time talking, catching up, reminiscing. Getting to know the friends’ babies. It struck me as noteworthy how much we are all in completely different places.

Jodi’s been married for quite a while and has three children. Janel has been married probably about as long, but hasn’t been able to get pregnant. Ginger’s been married for two years, to the guy she started dating about four months before the wedding, and has a baby. Kim, who also has a baby, is with the father but not married to him. Jennifer, our fair hostess, is sharing a house (HIS house) with the guy she’s been on and off with since we were seniors in high school.  They have two dogs.

Like me, Tracy and Vicki are single. Tracy’s been teaching in Maryland for four years and is looking to buy a town house. She moved there to be with her then-boyfriend, whom she is no longer with, but he apparently calls her every now and then to suggest that they get married. (what? head case.) Vicki just moved away from home and is doing the whole single-gal-in-her-own-apartment thing.

And me…well…you already know about me. 😉

We watched entertaining and highly embarrassing videos. Me playing a parrot in the girl scout play, for example. Seventh grade gymnastics. (Erin falling off the beam. hee.) Pee wee football cheerleading. We talked about our lives, about being 30, about where we are and where we thought we’d be…

I entertained myself by interjecting, frequently, “I’m not 30 yet!”

But seriously…it was great to reconnect like that. These are people I’ve known, for the most part, since second grade. We’ve been through a lot together, good and bad, and it’s nice to know that still means something.

(By the way, Dancing in Heaven was a huge hit….)

He’s a rebel

I have many stories to share from the weekend, but here’s a quick and (I think) amusing one…

I was driving through the downtown area of my hometown with my mom yesterday. We saw a Chevy pickup truck parked near the Diamond (the center of town). On the front of the truck was a bug shield with the word “Rebel” prominently displayed. There was also a confederate flag license plate plaque.

On the back window, there were two stickers.

“Charlton Heston is my president”? nope.

“Guns, God, and country”? huh uh.

Not one, but TWO stickers:

John Kerry for president, 2004

I kid you not.

Oh, what I would have given for a digital camera.

Okay, where is he? :)

I finally finished Calling in The One last night. I was dangerously close to the 6-month mark. (If you haven’t finished the course in six months, you may seriously want to evaluate your desire to yada yada yada…)

I’ve been stuck on the last two lessons for weeks. Probably more like a month. But I finished them both last night. Yay for me. Introspection and self-awareness all over the damn place. (Yes, I’m being flip…but I am honestly glad to have done it. It was most helpful in exploring assboy-related issues, especially.)

So what was it that motivated me? Perhaps remembering the “intention” that I set back whenever it was that I got to that lesson: to be in a loving, committed relationship by my birthday. Eek! (It was about four months ago, because I remember thinking “four months! Am I crazy?”)

Because as we all know, my birthday is but 9 days away…

So the intention may have to be reevaluated. Or maybe not…who knows…

Not-so-much Sex and the much smaller City

Yesterday, Hilary at Superfluous Juxtaposition talked about first date outfits. Jen(nifer) waxed philosophical about her “first date skirt.”

At this very time, I was trying to decide what to wear on my own date.

“Jen? I’m running out of shirts to wear on dates,” I said.

I have several “cute” tops. That is to say, tops that I will wear out, that I do not wear to work, and that are not t-shirts with the name of my favorite band printed on them. But only a few. So what do you do when this supply runs out? You’re not comfortable enough yet with this person to repeat, and you’re definitely not comfortable enough to wear those t-shirts.

So what’s a girl to do?

I think shopping is the answer.

Might be a short-term solution, but it doesn’t address the bigger question…at what point is it okay to repeat? Does the repetition of outfits mean that it’s (gulp) serious?

And then I have to wonder…do men even notice this stuff? Do we obsess over what to wear only to find that it’s completely irrelevant? After all, I remember that I was wearing a button-down yellow fleece when I met assboy, and despite the poor fashion choice, he still somehow fell for me. 😉