Category Archives: personal

To my mom

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I’ve always had a very close relationship with my mother, just as she did with her mother. I know how lucky we are to have the relationship that we do…I know it’s not something that everyone can say.

Sure, sometimes we drive each other crazy, and I probably shouldn’t have stayed at home as long as I did after graduating from college (under the same roof? It was…erm…uncomfortable at times), but I am 30 years old, and I can honestly say that I like spending time with my mom. I miss her when I haven’t been home in too long. I call her just to talk.

She’s pushed me to do better, been there to pick me up when I fall, and has helped me through countless difficult times. She’s always been my greatest defender, my steadfast supporter, my friend.

I’m afraid I might not say it enough, how much I appreciate her.

I love you, mom.

Thank you.

About a blog

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With all this talk of “blogiversaries,” I decided to dig back through the Erin-go-blog archives and see what was up.

I started the blog, on the urging of a friend, on Feb. 21, 2002. I posted a test post. It said, “This is a test. BEEEEEEEEEP!”

I didn’t post again until January 26, 2003. I was alone watching the Super Bowl and ranting about the Coors Light Twins commercials.

I posted about once a month (twice in May!) until July, when I posted a whopping 3 times! Posted twice in August, but I really started posting regularly in September 2003 when I decided to also keep an online chronicle of my student teaching experience.

My first post in September was on Sept. 8, so I’m calling today my blogiversary. Yay, me.

Of course, the true blogging on a daily (or almost daily) basis started in October…after the infamous breakup. This became a forum for me to express all of those crazy, sad, angry, bitter, heartbroken feelings I was going through. I took some time to skim through it, and it’s amazing to me how far I’ve come…I can’t believe it’s been almost a year. At the same time, I can’t believe that he was still in my life only a year ago.

So thank you, blogger, and faithful readers. You’ve been my therapy. 🙂

You say he’s just a friend

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So the meeting of Jen and R went quite swimmingly, I must say…when we left to go grab a bite to eat, he said, “Jen is very cool. I can see why you two are such good friends. She really brings you out.”

Aww…

R also got positive reviews from Jen. 🙂

So yeah, I’m not really sure what I was so worried about…other than the fact that it’s kind of a “step.” We’re still in that ambiguously undefined territory, enjoying whatever it is that we’ve got going, but still not quite naming it. Which, actually, is okay with me. It’s fielding the questions from others that’s the hard part.

Jen was on the phone with John when we came home, and Jen had apparently (I think) referred to R as my “friend.” And John wanted to know if he was “just a friend.” I didn’t have a response to offer. I just smiled, and probably blushed a little.

Well…definitely more than “just a friend.” I think we’ve effectively established that fact…

This man is completely unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before. Ever. And this is, I think, a very, very good thing.

He’s intelligent, witty, charming.

He makes me laugh.

He inspires me.

He makes me feel beautiful.

Every moment I spend with him, I learn a little bit more about him. I like what I’m learning, and I want to learn more…

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood

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Yeah, so it’s gray and rainy and yucky outside.

And yeah, I’m stuck at work with too much to do and little will to do it.

And yeah, stupid tutoring job cancelled my shift for tonight. (again)

But I don’t care.

I have lots of things to smile about.

🙂

The great birthday recap…

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Festivities actually began (unofficially) Friday night with a lovely date. (That’s date #6, for anyone keeping track…) I know, I’m being a bit tight-lipped about this whole business, but all in good time… 😉 We went out for dinner at a cozy little Italian place. Good food, even better dessert (Tiramisu. mmmm….). He got me some incredibly thoughtful birthday gifts, which was a big surprise to me…I certainly didn’t expect anything!

I arrived home to a big surprise…my friend Shannon and her boyfriend Craig from Boston had come into town late Friday to spend the weekend! I had no idea they were coming.

We got ready and headed out to Erie, where we met up with my friends Jen and Tim from Cleveland for lunch at Max & Erma’s. (I know a lot of Jennifers and a lot of Stephanies. it gets confusing…). We had a nice visit, and they had the waitstaff bring cake and sing to me. After lunch, I met up with Eden and baby Zoe for a too-brief but very nice visit at Borders.

Came back to the apartment, which my friend Susan and her boyfriend Todd had decorated while we were out. My friend Caren was waiting there to meet us (also a surprise. I had no idea she was coming…). We all visited and chatted and had a few drinks (Jen created the 30-tini…a concoction of raspberry vodka, Sprite, fruit juice and raspberry schnapps) and several jello shots before heading to South Buffalo for the Jackdaw show.

Our dear friends Stephanie and a couple of HER friends met us there. I saw some of the people I know from the Jackdaw shows…one of them bought me a shot. A number of them expressed great surprise at my age, which is always fun. 😉 I got a happy birthday wish from the band, and I danced up a storm! Heard lots of the new music, which (as I suspected) was even better live! OH! and a big thank-you needs to go out to the band for playing “Sorry Again.” Mmmm…happy birthday to me!

On Saturday, we went out to Caren’s house…she and her husband Chris hosted a little brunch for me, where my parents were waiting to surprise me! That was nice. Our friends Rachel and Brian came out too. Tim and Dayna weren’t able to make it, but they sent yummy potatoes (Dayna…recipe??) and fun gifts. My friends pooled resources to by me a whole bunch of used books, helping to build the future-English-teacher library! I also got some great gifts from my family, including a bunch of “inner child” type gifts…crayons, a slinky, play-doh, pez. That was fun. 🙂 Oh, and I did get a couple of chances to win the trip to Ireland. *fingers crossed*

I know I’ve said this a lot, but thank you all so much. I feel so loved!

A big, giant thank you

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Yes, the hangover has lifted…and now I must offer my thanks to all who helped make the birthday weekend a rousing success.

First and foremost, to Jen for making it all happen. I love you!

To all of my friends who traveled to share the weekend with me, and to all those who were here in spirit. (Jen did a wonderful job of the individual shout-outs here.) Thank you all!!

To my mom and dad, for making the trip up and surprising me.

I have an amazing family and the best friends a girl could ask for. I also have the promise of really, really good things on the horizon…I guess I’m a pretty lucky gal.

Oh, and to Jeff, from the Jackdaw show who told me I was “the hottest 30-year-old ever.” Thanks for making my night. I wish I could bottle that shot of self-esteem and bring it out when I need it! 😉 And thanks to the boys, of course, for a rockin’ show. I danced my little heart out…and we even converted a few new fans!

Oh, and got to spend a little time with Eden and Baby Z on Saturday! Thanks for coming out. 🙂

Individual, personal thank yous will be on their way soon…but for now, thank you all for making this a special birthday indeed.

I guess 30’s not so bad… 😉

We’re all carried along by the river of dreams…

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So I got another email from the ex yesterday. You know…the college boyfriend. The one who’s now married and born-again.

It is good to know that he’s doing okay. I’ve satisfied any curiosity I had. (I thought there was a remote possibility he could be gay. Apparently not. Or maybe just in deep denial…who knows…but not my problem.) But I don’t want it to become a “thing.” Especially a “thing” that would bother his wife.

Here’s one little tidbit from the message:

Anyway….I’m really glad to know that you’re not as you said harboring any bad feelings. I still feel bad about how things ended up and I wish things had turned out differently…at least I wish I had handled things differently if nothing else. I guess one of my problems has always been handling confrontations appropriately. I don’t know…I am glad that we can talk a little now at least. You’re a great person and you should be happy. Be pickey…you can afford to be…find a good guy before you settle down with him….

Er. Yeah. Let me just share with you all that he could not have possibly handled the situation more badly.

It’s been so long, and I’ve changed so much. I read his email now, and it’s like a stranger wrote it. I really have no idea who he is anymore. And that, I suppose, is how it should be.

But all in all, it just reinforces what I’ve known for quite some time now…that we were not meant to be together, that I would not have been happy with him in the long run, and that he is not what I need.

(what do I need? well, that’s another conversation entirely…)

But what we had was good once. It was exactly what I needed at the time, and it’s nice to remember that with a smile.

A good date

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I think it can be considered a good date when you come home with the smell of him still lingering on your clothes.

And you smile…

🙂

This one’s for the girls

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I spent Saturday hanging out with my high school friends, which was very good…I haven’t seen them all in one place since Sonya got married last summer. (interesting side note…at that time, one of them said “Erin, you have to do this next year so we can all get together again.” um. yeah.) So Jennifer had a party at her house, and we all gathered…

We had a nice time talking, catching up, reminiscing. Getting to know the friends’ babies. It struck me as noteworthy how much we are all in completely different places.

Jodi’s been married for quite a while and has three children. Janel has been married probably about as long, but hasn’t been able to get pregnant. Ginger’s been married for two years, to the guy she started dating about four months before the wedding, and has a baby. Kim, who also has a baby, is with the father but not married to him. Jennifer, our fair hostess, is sharing a house (HIS house) with the guy she’s been on and off with since we were seniors in high school.  They have two dogs.

Like me, Tracy and Vicki are single. Tracy’s been teaching in Maryland for four years and is looking to buy a town house. She moved there to be with her then-boyfriend, whom she is no longer with, but he apparently calls her every now and then to suggest that they get married. (what? head case.) Vicki just moved away from home and is doing the whole single-gal-in-her-own-apartment thing.

And me…well…you already know about me. 😉

We watched entertaining and highly embarrassing videos. Me playing a parrot in the girl scout play, for example. Seventh grade gymnastics. (Erin falling off the beam. hee.) Pee wee football cheerleading. We talked about our lives, about being 30, about where we are and where we thought we’d be…

I entertained myself by interjecting, frequently, “I’m not 30 yet!”

But seriously…it was great to reconnect like that. These are people I’ve known, for the most part, since second grade. We’ve been through a lot together, good and bad, and it’s nice to know that still means something.

(By the way, Dancing in Heaven was a huge hit….)

Only in the movies?

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So I was on a date last night with a guy who is in the final stages of a divorce. We went out to dinner, and who should happen to be at the restaurant but…dum dum dum…his wife.

His wife.

I am not making this up.

They’ve been legally separated for a year and at this point, it’s just a matter of putting the final paperwork through. They remain on amicable terms (although he did say “We’ll see if that holds true after this.” eek!). She and her friend were dining on the patio, and said she saw him walk by. So she stopped by the table to say hello on her way to the ladies’ room.

I’m betting she also wanted a closer look at me…

He said, “I thought these things only happened in the movies.”

I said, “Well, if it didn’t actually happen to people in real life, no one would write it into a movie…”