I’ve talked before about my irrational love for the song “Without Me” by Eminem. Nothing makes me want to get up and boogie quite like this song. So much so, that I really want to play it at my wedding.

The tricky part is that the song is pretty, uh, profane. I downloaded the *clean* version, and I listened to it all the way through today. It makes for some pretty entertaining sections of the song. To demonstrate, here are the lyrics. I’ve replaced all the profanity with a [EXPLETIVE DELETED]

Two trailer park girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
{*scratches*
Two trailer park girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
{*scratches*

Guess who’s back
Back again
Shady’s back
Tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back
guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back..

[Verse One: Eminem]
I’ve created a monster, cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more
They want Shady, I’m chopped liver (huh?)
Well if you want Shady, this is what I’ll give ya
A little bit of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] mixed with some hard liquor
Some vodka that’ll jump start my heart quicker
than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
by the doctor when I’m not co-operating
When I’m rockin the table while he’s operating (hey!!)
You waited this long, now stop debating
Cause I’m back, I’m on the rag and ovu-lating
I know that you got a job Ms. Cheney
but your husband’s heart problem’s complicating
So the FCC won’t let me be
or let me be me, so let me see
They try to shut me down on MTV
But it feels so empty, without me
So, come on and dip, bum on your lips
[EXPLETIVE DELETED] that, [EXPLETIVE DELETED] on your lips, and some on your [EXPLETIVE DELETED]
And get ready, cause this [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about to get heavy
I just settled all my lawsuits, [EXPLETIVE DELETED] YOU DEBBIE!

Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause it feels so empty, without me

Little Hellions, kids feelin rebellious
Embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis
They start feelin like prisoners helpless
’til someone comes along on a mission and yells [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!!!
A visionary, vision of scary
Could start a revolution, pollutin the airwaves
A rebel, so just let me revel and bask
in the fact that I got everyone kissin my [EXPLETIVE DELETED]
And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe
for you to see so damn much of my [EXPLETIVE DELETED]; you asked for me?
Well I’m back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Fix your bent antenna tune it in and then I’m gonna
enter in, endin up under your skin like a splinter
The center of attention, back for the winter
I’m interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting in your kid’s ears and nesting
Testing, attention please
Feel the tension, soon as someone mentions me
Here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free
A nuisance, who sent? You sent for me?

A-tisket a-tasket, I go tit for tat with
anybody who’s talkin this [EXPLETIVE DELETED], that [EXPLETIVE DELETED]
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your [EXPLETIVE DELETED] kicked
worse than them little Limp Bizkit [EXPLETIVE DELETED]
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You thirty-six year old baldheaded [EXPLETIVE DELETED], [EXPLETIVE DELETED] me
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listen to techno
Now let’s go, just gimme the signal
I’ll be there with a whole list full of new insults
I been dope, suspenseful with a pencil
ever since Prince turned himself into a symbol
But sometimes the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] just seems
everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I’m dis-gus-ting
But it’s just me, I’m just obscene
No I’m not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
to do black music so selfishly
and used it to get myself wealthy
(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works
Twenty million other white rappers emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea
It’ll be so empty, without me

Pretty amusing, eh?