I’ve been feeling weirdly disconnected and lonely the past few days. It’s always strange to feel lonely when you’re not alone.
I don’t know what it is. Could just the blogstuff, I suppose…but whatever it is, I’m having a hard time verbalizing it, to anyone. I feel raw. Exposed. Fragile. I’ve been about thisclose to bursting into tears all day.
Sigh. Here’s hoping I snap out of it soon.
I did something monumentally stupid.
I deleted my blog.
It was purely accidental. I put in a request to my host, to see if I could get restored from backup. I haven’t heard anything, but I’m not overly optimistic.
I spent a long time on the phone with the very kind, very patient Thomas (who did the very thing to HIS blog) trying to find a recent backup. I have one from when I did the move to wordpress, which was the beginning of May. It looks as if, once I figure out how to restore from that backup, that’s what I’ll be going with. So I’ll have lost about two months of posts. Kind of sucky, but not the end of the world.
That’ll learn me to mess around with things without making sure I have backups, though….won’t it?
So basically, if you care, check back here for updates. I will eventually get whatever I can restored and back at eringoblog.net. Thanks.
I read Kelly’s post this morning, and it echoes a lot of things I’ve been feeling. This little blog disaster kind of helped solidify those feelings for me.
I’m not going to walk away from erin-go-blog completely…I enjoy it too much. What I am going to do is limit myself. Spend more time working on the “real work” of writing. Query markets for nonfiction. Work on short stories. Start one of those novels. Finish that screenplay. You know, those kinds of things.
I’m going to consider erin-go-blog on temporary hiatus until the backup issue is resolved. It shouldn’t be terribly long, and as I said, you can check here for updates. You can also check the places I go, where I intend to be posting regularly.
Thanks.
Glen Falls in Williamsville…one of my very favorite things about the village. I worked in Williamsville when I first moved here, back in 2000, and I used to go there on my lunch breaks. Also, Rand and I walked through the park on one of our early dates. It’s perfectly lovely…and you forget the annoying bustle of Main Street when you’re down there.
My violet. I’ve killed a lot of African violets in the past. This one has been alive for quite a while, but hasn’t really been blooming. I’m excited to see it doing so well because I was sure it wouldn’t survive after being knocked over by an exuberant kitty…I repotted it, and the new location seems to be doing wonders for it. Yay!
I don’t make a habit of posting photos of my underthings, but…I had a little laundry mishap the other day. The background of these used to be white. They’re now blue. (they look much bluer IRL) 🙁 Most of the stuff in the load was dark…except for Rand’s t-shirts, which I was able to bleach.
Ok, I have to get to work. Happy Friday!
My weeks get so busy sometimes that I don’t have a chance to write everything I think about writing. And this past week, I’ve been kept *very* busy while subbing. Extra classes and little free time, and so forth. So here are a few random and unconnected things I read about, thought about, saw or heard last week:
1. I’ve not been to the Washington Market downtown, and I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. However, their dreadful radio commercials make me want to tear my hair out. The copy is bad, the readings are bad, everything about them is BAD.
2. I saw this post at livejournal that really, really struck a chord with me. The basic gist of the post is that we as a culture and women in particular have a tendency to constantly measure our worth against the people around us. I know it’s something I’m guilty of…that instead of taking pride in my own accomplishments, feeling good about where I am and what I’ve done and what I can do, I compare myself to people I know. Friends and acquaintances and relatives and strangers alike. Women, I think, have a strong tendency to do this in terms of time. As in, I’m 30, and I don’t have X, Y and Z. All these other people have X, Y and Z, therefore, there must be something wrong with me.
I’ve gotten way better at this than I used to be, by the way. But every once in a while…
3. Does anyone out there have a teenage daughter? If so, please talk to me about how you deal with the teenage girl fashions. Oh, and by the way, I think I’ve figured out the sandals/flip-flops in winter phenomenon. Someone has failed to tell these children that Buffalo is not, in fact, located in southern California. 😉
I guess that’ll do it for now. Have a good one!
I forgot it was the Ides of March until I heard it mentioned on NPR this morning.
I met X on the Ides of March. I should have known it would end disastrously… 😉
My little brother just lost his job. Yes, the same one that’s planning a May wedding.
Also, a friend of mine from high school recently gave birth at just 25 weeks. The baby (a little girl) is in neonatal care, and is doing well so far.
Thank you in advance.
So, I’m sure you’re all wondering how I’m doing with my goals this week…here’s an update.
-Go through crap in my apartment and toss unwanted junk
Check. I filled two big bags with garbage and started a third. I can’t believe how much crap I have. I also filled a big bag with clothes I’m getting rid of.
-Read TC submissions
Some…I’ve got more to do, but I have until the end of the weekend…
-Submit a story to Woman’s World
Um, check. I hope it was ready, because it’s in the mail…
-Get website up
Partial check. I sat with the most excellent Thomas yesterday, who directed me to some software that’s MUCH easier to use than what I was trying to use. He’s supposed to be getting me some other stuff (including a graphics program!) which will be a big help. He gave me a quick tutorial, and here’s what I’ve come up with to start:
educating erin
So far, I’ve been unable to figure out how to put the copyright and contact info further down on the page. The only link that works right now is the blog one…I need to explore and find a template I like. So there ya go. There will be more links and stuff in the future, as I figure out what I’m doing. 😉
-Figure out how to do the calligraphy on my brother’s wedding invitations, which are of the all-one-piece variety.
Well, partially there.
-Do 1 or 2 more calligraphy samples
Did one. 🙂 Right now, they’re on my flickr account, visible to friends. Eden and Stephanie, happy gifts are on their way to you!
-Work on resumes to update my school applications
Got a good start on this. I mailed 11 resumes today. I’m going to keep sending them on a weekly basis.
-Figure out what I’m wearing to Shannon’s bridal shower, not to mention her wedding
Um. I’ll find something suitable in my closet for the shower. And I have time on the wedding…I hate shopping. Except when I find 3 sweaters on clearance at Kaufmanns for $20. (that’s $20 total.)
🙂
Happy Friday, everyone!
When the world takes you down
you can always depend on me now
and I’ll forever be around
to tell you I need you…Something True, Einstein’s Sister
One year ago today, my life was changed forever.
Of course, I didn’t completely know that at the time. 😉 That night, meeting Rand in person for the first time for drinks and darts at Brew Pub, I couldn’t have known how I’d feel today.
I knew he was interesting, funny and smart. I knew he was someone I would want to have in my life. I knew that I wanted to see him again.
A week later, after our second date, I wrote about our meeting in my journal.
He hugged me good night, and I left smiling.
I have to agree with one of his aunts, whom I just met the other night…he gives the best hugs. Just one of the many, many things I adore about him. Here are a few more…
I love his intelligence, his humor, his wit.
I love his passion for the people and things he cares deeply about. I love listening to him “nerd out” about music, film, religion, comic books…etc…
I love his singing voice.
I love his kindness, his generosity, his open-mindedness.
I love his friends and family.
I love the way he takes care of me, without ever making me feel like I need to be “taken care of.”
I love his eyes, and the way those eyes look at me.
I love the way he “gets” me…whenever he’s recommended a book, a movie, a TV show (on DVD, of course!) to me, I’ve not once been disappointed.
I love his silly, playful side.
I love the calming effect he has on me.
I love the way he truly appreciates me.
I love all of these things, and so, so much more, and I am so thankful that he is in my life.
Lately, I’ve been reminded of a Clint Black song that came out back in 2001 called Something That We Do. I’ve always thought it was a terribly romantic song…he wrote it for his wife, about their marriage and their relationship, and to me, it’s a perfect example of what it means to have a mature loving relationship.
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can’t tell where I end and where you start
I think that a lot of the time, when we think of love, we think of that thrilling rush we feel the first time. Maybe that’s why first loves are so hard to get over. We express our feelings in terms of need. We identify this person as “completing” us…which of course assumes that we were unfinished in the first place and in need of completion. Romantic, yes, but maybe not the healthiest of feelings.
I felt that way with K, and when we broke up, I was sure I would never find it again…and in a way, I was right, because it never feels quite like it did that first time. But on the other hand, what we feel that second or third time around is in some ways better. It’s about knowing you have a full and complete life on your own, but wanting someone to share it with. It’s about having a true partnership. It’s about your mutual respect and desire for the other person. And most of all, it’s realizing that love is more than an abstract emotion.
It’s a verb.
